Jim, Where are You?
by ECPENGUIN
Summary: Jim leaves DunderMifflin. Stuff Ensues.
1. Chapter 1

He wants to keep sleeping, but his body will simply not allow it. He rolls over and peers at his alarm clock. It reads 2:15. The light streaming through the slats of his blinds verify that a good part of his Saturday has already been consumed by his restless 14 hour slumber.

Jim throws aside the covers, sits up, and leans his head against the wall. Slowly the feeling of full consciousness creeps back into his brain. And there she is; right back in the forefront of his thoughts. A warm, dull ache pops into his gut as his memories of her dance through his mind.

_"Killer nanorobots?"..."it's an epidemic." Then the look. Oh that look! The playful innocence she effected in that look is breathtaking. _

A boxer clad Jim allows himself to bask in the glow of that memory a little while longer. The thought of her makes him warm all over. Soon, Halpert Memory Player 7.0 will move to the next memory in queue. It might be the drunken kiss he received at the dundies. Or, perhaps, it will be the anxious smile that she held on him for what seemed like an eternity when they were on the booze cruise. However, the amount of memories in his playlist is vast and the randomizer happens to be on.

_"Pam, it wasn't her." "What?" "I'm the one who complained about you…I… I didn't know Toby was going to write it down…I was just venting…You know, it was just one day…and I took it right back… it was like…" "Okay."_

Jim's toes curl up; he draws his knees up to his chest and runs his hands up his forehead and through his hair.

"DAMMIT!"

His yell reverberates through the apartment. His roommate, Mark, is at his girlfriend's place for the weekend; at least he has not been disturbed.

"Okay."

She had said it so quickly. So evenly. A simple "okay." It did not pass judgment and it left no room for further conversation. "Okay." It was the quickest route to silence.

Jim rolls out of bed and stumbles into the bathroom. He grasps the sides of the sink and looks into the mirror.

"She's going to get married!... SHE'S GOING TO GET MARRIED TO ROY!"

Jim is disgusted with himself. He has ignored reality: The make-out session Pam and Roy had before the basketball game in the warehouse, the kiss they had in the parking lot the day of the fire, the way she was thrilled after Roy set a date for their wedding, and how contented and happy she was the day Roy came up to help replace the carpet. Jim looks up into the mirror again.

"She is getting married to Roy. She loves him and he loves her. Those are the facts."

He knows he has to leave; he knew it right after she said, "okay." But now, now Stamford was not far enough. She would know his office phone number and email address. He would have to say goodbye and she would tell him to keep in touch. They would trade the occasional email, exchange a phone call or two, and maybe even try to arrange infrequent visits. That simply would not do. As long as they kept in contact, his memories of her would be on life support. He would continue to dream about the impossible.

He has to leave and never look back. Memories are not infallible. Give them enough space and they will never be refreshed. Give them enough time and they will get fuzzy and deteriorate. Give your mind enough distractions and it will push those fuzzy remnants far into the depths or your grey matter.

Jim walks slowly back into his bedroom. Even now he can envision her sitting on his bed. She has one leg draped over the side as she eagerly flips through his yearbook. She looks so perfect. He just stands in his doorway and watches her. Time stands still as he is lost in yet another reverie. Slowly the image of Pam on his bed grows darker, harder to discern. It is nearly imperceptible… and then it is gone. Jim shakes himself out of the dream. His room is completely dark. The red glow of his alarm clock reads 9:14.

"ENOUGH!"

Jim had allowed himself to stand in his room watching Pam's apparition for six hours, noticing the passage of time only after her image was completely consumed by the shadows of night.

Jim flicks on the light and goes to his dresser. He quickly throws on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. He opens his closet in search of boxes, but finds none. Eventually he settles on large black trash bags he found under the sink in the kitchen. Slowly he fills the trash bags with all his possessions and crams them into his Corolla. His car is completely full. He trudges back upstairs and surveys his room. All the furniture remains, his desk, his dresser, and the bare mattress that sits on his bed. The only small item left is his alarm clock. It reads 2:15. Too much of a coincidence; it will always remind him of Pam. He will purchase a new clock. He quickly scrawls out two notes. One is for Mark; he leaves it on the counter. He stuffs the second note in a small white envelope and addresses it. He tosses the envelope on his dashboard and rolls down the window. This is going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

She wants to keep sleeping, but her body will simply not allow it. She rolls over and peers at the alarm clock. It reads 2:15. The light streaming through the slats of the blinds verify that a good part of her Saturday has already been consumed by her wondrous 14 hour slumber.

Pam sits up and leans her head against the wall. The last two weeks have been hard.

_**Day One**_

_It's 10:48 A.M. Jim has not arrived yet. Nor has he called in sick. Pam has not heard from him since last Friday when he left a message regarding a doctor's appointment. She has not seen Jim since last Thursday. It was the day he confessed to complaining about her in-office wedding preparations. She wants to be mad at him, but she cannot. He confessed to save her from the embarrassment of falsely accusing Angela. He always looked out for her. Her lips form into a sad smile._

_Michael assigns Dwight the task of locating Jim. After an hour of pointless integrations, Dwight leaves the office grinning from ear to ear and muttering something about stake-outs._

_At the end of the day there has been no word from Jim. Dwight has not returned. A knot forms in Pam's stomach._

_**Day Two**_

_Once again, Jim is not at work. Nor is Dwight. The knot in her stomach tightens. It is a familiar knot. _

_Last Halloween she had the same feeling of despair when Michael called Jim into his office. Her stomach tightened so much she thought she was going to be sick. He had been in there for what seemed like an eternity. She couldn't lose him. When he had emerged she had to touch him; she had to make sure he was still Jim, that he was still real. She reached out and grasped his hand._

"_What happened?" "It wasn't me." "Oh, that was like crazy cuz I was like…" "Yeah, I know"_

_And then he walked away from her. The knowledge he was not fired did nothing to relieve the knot in her stomach. It felt as though she had lost him anyway. _

"_Hey Jim…wait… stop… um, I'm sorry for pushing you toward Cumberland…seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out…" "Come on."_

_It was only with those words, "Come on," that the knot loosened and slowly dissipated. It was only with those wonderful, magical words that Halloween 2005 was spared from being the worst day of her life._

_The presence of the mailman stirs her from her daydream. The knot is still there. She looks at Jim's desk. He is not there. The knot winds even tighter. She flips through the mail. It is composed almost entirely of familiar business envelopes. The only exception is a smaller white envelope that has been sloppily addressed to Michael; it bears no return address. She takes the stack of mail into Michael's office and leaves it on his desk._

_Fifteen minutes later Michael emerges from his office. It looks as though he is near tears. He opens his mouth to speak, but quickly closes it again. He turns back towards his office, but chooses against it and once again faces the employees._

"_Okay, I… I have an announcement to make. Gather… Gather around everyone. Um, I just got this…this letter and um…well I'll just read it. 'I am very sorry for the incredibly short notice, but I must announce my immediate resignation from Dunder-Mifflin…Jim Halpert.'"_

_The entire office is deathly quiet. Everyone is stunned. The knot in Pam's stomach sends radiating waves of despair through her body. She is certain that she is going to be sick, but she can't move. The silence is broken by Creed._

"_Which one is Jim?"_

_Michael promptly starts sobbing and goes back into his office. Creed, completely bewildered, sits in his chair and ponders why half the office is frowning daggers at him. Pam is in shock. _

_Suddenly a disheveled Dwight comes rampaging through the door. He is wearing the same clothes as the day before. He looks as though he had not slept; it is likely that he has not. He catches his breath and smiles broadly._

"_I have an announcement to make. I have just gotten back from my grueling all-night stake-out of Jim's apartment. Though he never showed up, I was able to talk to his roommate… or shall I say former roommate. Jim has left Scranton and taken all of his belongings with him. In short, Jim has quit."_

_Dwight smiles triumphantly. Now Pam cannot breathe._

_**Day 9**_

_A week has passed. Pam is a zombie. She doesn't feel alive, but she knows she is not dead. Her mind is utter chaos. She has not processed a complete thought in seven days. She doesn't know if she has slept. _

_The office has the atmosphere of a funeral. It is somber. It is quiet. No one talks unless it is absolutely necessary. Kelly is silent. Michael is silent. Dwight, who is ecstatic about this turn of events, is silent; he wants to soak it all in._

_Ryan now sits at Jim's old desk. He has been assigned the task of managing Jim's old clients. Michael is so dejected from Jim's departure that he completely ignores the opportunity to train Ryan. For this Ryan is grateful._

_Everywhere silence. Pam sits at reception, unmoving. She stares at Jim's desk. She can form no thoughts, but she can picture Jim sitting there, though his image is getting fuzzy. A voice jars Pam into consciousness for the first time in a week. It is Ryan._

"_What?"_

_Pam realizes she has been staring at Ryan. _

"_Oh, nothing."_

_**Day 12**_

_Pam arrives at the office two hours early. She takes her normal seat at reception and begins staring at Jim's desk. And there he is. He glances up at her once in a while, frequently in fact, but the spaces between his glances still feel like a lifetime. She wants to hear his voice, but he does not speak. She tries to imagine his voice. A memory pops into her head._

"_It's okay. Um, I know that Jim had like a crush on me when he first started, but that was a long time ago so…" "It wasn't that long ago; it was on the booze cruise." "Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise… or he told you about it on the booze cruise?" "Uh mm… okay, shuuut-it Michael. I'm done; that's it; I'm out."_

_Pam has still not heard his voice. She asks him a question._

"_Jim, do you have a crush on me?"_

_Jim does not look up. He shows no signs of hearing her. After a few minutes he glances up gives a little smile and raises his eyebrows ever so slightly. He busies himself with work again. Pam is desperate for his voice. Another memory pops into her head._

"_What? Do you want to tell me something? You look like you want to tell me something. You look like you have something really important to say and you just can't for some reason. Come on, you can tell me. Jim, you can tell me anything."_

_Jim will not speak in her memory. She looks again at his desk. He is still working. She hears a door close; Angela has just walked in. She looks back to his desk, but he is gone._

_It is almost five. She has tried to remember Jim, but he has been absent from her memories all day. She settles her brain enough to again. Another Jim-less memory pops into her head._

"_Shalax, Pam. Stop Pam-MSing. That's pretty good. Um, actually, I'm sending Ryan on a top secret mission. Tell her what it is." "Updating emergency contacts?" "Well, is that really a priority?" "Is it a priority? Oh, I don't know. Um, what if there's a tornado, Pam? People's legs are crushed under rubble. Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife? No, I can't. Because we don't have any emergency contact information. Because Pam said it wasn't a priority."_

_Emergency contacts. Pam rips open the filing cabinet. Larissa Halpert: 117 Vonburgen Street. Pam is near tears. She clutches the file to her chest._

"_Thank you Michael."_

_It is 5:55. She rings the doorbell. A slender woman who is perhaps in her early fifties answers the door._

"_Hello?"_

"_Hello Mrs. Halpert, my name is Pam, I work at Jim's office…er, um I mean old office and I was wondering if…"_

"_Come on in Pam."_

_Pam enters. She does not know what to do or say. She did not think that far ahead. Larissa seems to know what she is after._

"_I imagine you were just as surprised as I was when Jim left town. His roommate came over and showed me the note he left. I worried so much about him that first night; this is so unlike Jim. He called me the next day. He didn't say where he was and he didn't tell me why he left. He just said he was 'embracing reality.' I thought he had gone crazy. I still don't know where he is or how to contact him, but I made him promise to call me every night. Jim was born and raised here; I imagine he just needed a change of scenery. He'll probably come around sooner or later. He has a good head on his should…"_

_The phone rang. Pam looked at it desperately. Mrs. Halpert spoke._

"_Go ahead dear. That'll be him now. I bet you would really like to see if he's okay."_

_Pam snatches up the phone._

"_Jim, it's Pam; I've been so…"_

_The line clicks dead. Pam is devastated. She has still not heard his voice. She slides down the wall, still clutching the phone. She is crying. She cannot stop. Larissa takes the phone from her hand and hangs it up. She sits on the floor next to Pam and holds her. Everything is clear to Larissa. Everything is becoming clearer to Pam._

_The thoughts in Pam's head began to come together. _

"_He left. He left because of me. He left because he is in love with me. But that doesn't make any sense. He loves me; why would he leave me?" _

_A small glimmer from her hand distracts her. Her thoughts connect further._

"_The ring. Roy. The engagement. I'm getting married in two weeks. 'Embracing reality.' He couldn't love me. I'm not available..."_

_Pam yanks the ring off her finger._

"_The hell I'm not!"_

_She stands up. She walks towards the door. She knows what she must do. Larissa knows too._

"_Good Luck Pam."_

_It is 11:30. Roy is waiting on the couch. He is no fool; he knows the end is near. Pam wastes no time._

"_Roy, I can't…"_

_Roy waves his arm; he dismisses the comment as something already acknowledged. He leans his head forward and rests it in hands. He stares at the floor. Pam speaks again._

"_Roy, I'm sorry…"_

"_Pam, just… I don't… just…"_

_Pam leaves her engagement ring on the coffee table and walks out. It is nearly midnight. She can't remember the last time she slept. She does not know where to sleep tonight. Her family would ask too many questions; it is too late. She would find no relief in a hotel room. She gets into her car and begins to drive._

_She rings the doorbell. Inside, the lights flick on. The locks are undone. The door opens._

"_Hello Mark, I don't know if you remember me from the party, but I know that since Jim is gone that maybe…"_

"_Hello Pam. Yeah. Upstairs. Last door on the left."_

The last two weeks have been hard. Pam slips down the wall and sprawls on the bare mattress once again. She melts into it. She drinks it in. It is the perfect bed. It was perfect sleep. Correction: It was nearly the perfect bed, the perfect sleep.

"Jim, where are you?"


End file.
